This tv is older than me.

and I trusted them with everything, I believe them to be there for me. 
But they have all turned their back, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Maybe I’ll die soon, like in a some obscure accident.
I hope so, honestly.
I’m so selfish.
I want to die so people will miss me.
Because right now nobody even talks to me anymore.
I’m on rocky terms with everybody.
I feel like everybody’s been talking about how horrible of a person I am.
I can’t believe I was so fake and didn’t even realize it.
I talked shit on everybody I hung out with.
I’m such a horrible fucking person.
I know karma now. True karma.

It’s hard to admit how much of a piece of shit I am. 

Every person I surround myself around I know little shit about that they’re ashamed of.

I was always that person that listened to everybody’s sob story and now when I’m around them that’s all I think about.

I constantly think bad thoughts about my “friends”. Now I just want to stop being around them.

I’ve never tried to hurt myself intentionally, but if I went to far, I know I wouldn’t have cared.

I’ve figured it all out.

Every single guy I talk to doesn’t cheat on me but he talks to other girls like I don’t exist.

I can’t hold anyone’s attention.

This might not make any sense, but it makes sense to me.

I don’t know.

I think Dyl is still with me because I do his homework, steal shit for him, drive him around, and buy him all kinds of stuff.

I NEED TO QUIT THESE ACTIONS.

For all of my friends. 

Nobody ever calls me to hang out, I call them. Sometimes, well… most of the times, they don’t answer. 

I have no real friends. I have no one to talk to anymore. 

A lot of stuff has happened. 
I’ve been seeing a therapist, she’s nice, quiet. She hypnotized me, or tired. She said I didn’t reveal much. She said that means my preconscious notions are scared of being found, or something like that. I was diagnosed. And I’m kind of scared.

Psychosis:  Psychosis is a loss of contact with reality, usually including false beliefs about what is taking place or who one is (delusions) and seeing or hearing things that aren’t there (hallucinations).

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

A number of substances and medical conditions can cause psychosis, including:

• Alcohol and certain illegal drugs, both during use and during withdrawal

• Brain tumors or cysts

• Dementia (including Alzheimer’s disease)

• Degenerative brain diseases, such as Parkinson’s disease, Huntington’s disease, and certain chromosomal disorders

• HIV and other infections that affect the brain

• Some prescription drugs, such as steroids and stimulants

• Some types of epilepsy

• Stroke

Psychosis is also part of a number of psychiatric disorders, including:

• Bipolar disorder (manic or depressed)

• Delusional disorder

• Depression with psychotic features

• Personality disorders (schizotypal, shizoid, paranoid, and sometimes borderline)

• Schizoaffective disorder

• Schizophrenia

Symptoms

Psychotic symptoms may include:

• Disorganized thought and speech

• False beliefs that are not based in reality (delusions), especially unfounded fear or suspicion

• Hearing, seeing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations)

• Thoughts that “jump” between unrelated topics (disordered thinking)

I am taking a blood test soon, to test for abnormal electrolyte and hormone levels.

All I have to do to stop this from going any further is quit smoking. That’s it. Why don’t I just do that? 
I’m such a weak willed person now-a-days.

When we use to talk every single day. I hope you read this. Maybe you’ll stumble across it one day. 
I hope so.

I don’t really know why.
Probably because I have nothing to do.